Oh, the blessed year of 2024.
The winding road of 2024 was a melancholic voyage that left me in a state of constant apprehension to what negative event was right around the corner. It was dark. It was gloomy. It was depressing. 2024 took this enneagram 7 on a journey into the uncomfortable depths of the most unpleasant feelings we so despise.
Quick pause–Yes! There is a good ending. However, let me step away from the ‘happy insta reel feel’ for a quick minute…cause you know that is where I prefer to hang.
Imagine being rooted into a community since you were seven years old. I mean DEEPLY rooted. Everything revolved around this community- how you dress, how you talk, what your job is, what kind of house you buy, how you parent, how your relationships work, how you schedule activities. Your friends and your family are in it, and EVERYTHING matters when it comes to this community.
Also imagine, you are not really supposed to mingle with others outside of this community, but you do anyways because you need to BREATHE and be yourself every now and then. And these people you escape to-you think they are your people. Your rocks.
Then imagine you lose the foundations of ALL of the above.
Community -GONE.
Rocks-GONE
You step away from the culty community of 34 years. You turn to your rocks, but come to find out, most of them are just pebbles that have been shattered to pieces once you show your vulnerability. You are left alone, wondering, untrusting, angry, confused, and depressed.
This is how 2024 began for me.
My story about a religious cult my family left at the end of 2023 didn’t seem like a big deal to me at first. Honestly, leaving gave instant relief. However, as the year went on and dealing with family and acquaintances still in the high control group, the relief morphed into a plethora of other feelings. I began to interrogate every person, every thought and every action…because why wouldn’t you after your life has been turned upside down.
I started to understand, I was a 41 year old woman who never lived life fully. I was a 41 year old PASSIONATE woman who was told most of her life to suppress that passion…and I had to learn to live life new again.
So there I was in January of 2024, getting my ears pierced at 41 feeling 8904 different feelings.
I was so excited! Also, so scared! My thoughts were running a million miles a minute!
“Is it going to hurt? Am I am wimp? I can’t believe I wasn’t allowed to wear earrings for 34 years! Where do I even buy earrings? What is my style? Diamonds? Pearls? I wish someone was here with me! Nope, I am doing this ALONE! I can’t believe I allowed this community to control me like that? I am going to be so judged from family for doing this! Did I judge people for having ears pierced? I should block everyone off of instagram! Why should I care what they think!? What they see? I can’t wait to pick out new accessories that reflect who I am!”
Thus began the year of transformation.
The year of taking little tiny steps towards bigger steps that altered not only my appearance but also my character and my essence. Of course, all along the way I was having the 392478 thoughts and feelings running through my head.
If that wasn’t heavy enough, we came into 2024 healing from a death in the family. I had a health scare along the way that rocked my world. And did I mention I am raising 3 teenagers?
It was a long year. What helped?
Lots and lots and lots of therapy, some big ticket events for distraction, and being super vulnerable with people which led to real connections and weeded out the ones that were unauthentic. Also, celebrating Christmas the real way… that helps a million times over!
So that brings us here. To the year 2025 where it feels good to sit and make some genuine resolutions. This time, not influenced by my old community, but resolving because I want to by my own accord and I can choose who I want to do it with.
For 34 years I have suppressed a lot of my passions for the sake of the community. There is anger frustration and sadness from that. Nevertheless, as I become more aligned to who I am, those feelings diminish and make room for so much gratefulness. As angry as I have been for allowing such small minded people to control my life…I am incredibly grateful for the life I have now and the opportunity to be free and do things as simple as celebrate Christmas with Christmas trees. To be me, and do all the things, passionately.
(Celebrating Christmas with decorations was a huge NO NO in the cult. It was frowned upon to stand out at all. More on this in a different post)
As we packed away the Christmas decorations a few days ago, there were remnants of glitter sparkling on my living room floor. It brought joy to my heart to think of the memories we made as a family this year. A little glow, a little shine, a little sparkle in my heart. And just like that, my word for the 2025 came to me. Sparkle.
I did a years worth of work with words like integrity, peace, align, deconstruct, boundaries, purposeful. And those are all good things… things to keep working on. However, this year, I want to step away from too much seriousness and sprinkle the sparkle. My intrinsic playfulness, fun and entertaining nature needs to be let loose.
It is as simple as that. Make the memories I want to create what will bring joy later.
Write.Bake.Hike.Yoga.Research.Travel.Eat.Walk.
Laugh.Family.Friends.Read.Prank.Cook.Travel.
Travel.Travel.Travel.Travel 🙂
Travel Ninja 