ctravelninja

Irish Potato, Goodbye!

Decades of critical and negative self talk, influenced by “the cult,” led me to believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me. For decades, I was often told that I was too showy, too flighty, too exuberant, too dramatic, too assertive, too free, too much, too much, too much.

Serious, reverent, quiet, humble…those were the words admired within the high control group I was raised in. For a few years, these were the words I aspired to be. I put 100 percent into this kind of being. I kept my clothes simple, no makeup, no jewelry, quiet, serious, serious. SERIOUS.

But as you can imagine, when you’re not being true to yourself, you experience a nagging feeling of something being off. Not long into this solemn version of myself, I started to tip toe into a double life.

Within the sect I was raised in, women were looked down upon for working outside of the home. So with conformity, I listened to the women ministers and became a QUIET little homemaker. Living a quiet simple life at home was the goal.

But it was the cakes. The darn cakes. They were my downfall.

I began making dramatic cakes and attention seeking gourmet meals for the kids. Unadmittedly, I experienced profound happiness in expressing myself through the cakes I made. It was an acceptable way to be creative and tap into self expression. “SO UNFORTUNATE!” I say that with deepest sarcasm-baking extravagant cakes was the gate way to me becoming… myself.

I believe my expression through the cakes and fancy foods led me to break cult rules that held me down in so many ways, specially, creatively. I stopped wearing my hair in buns and slowly began revealing my inner fun through “rule breaking” outfits and makeup. Guys, I’m just talking about a little mascara here and there and skinny jeans. 😂

The baking inevitably led me to showoff my cakes on Facebook. And let me tell you, the gossip of my spiritual demise ensued.

First of all, being on social media was a HUGE no no. It was repeatedly preached to “stay off the Facebook and just keep reading the Good book.”

However, when the gospel gossipers soon found out that they could be nosy about other peoples’ lives, and then report back to the ministers of our misdeeds…then… then…it was ok. They were doing the right thing about us who were doing the wrong things.

My cake endeavors seemed acceptable within the community at first. A few postings were ok. I gained some compliments and companionships. But it didn’t take long for everyone to feel that I was just TOO MUCH! After a picture of a cake inspired from a movie proved I was watching the forbidden TV and the photo of me in pants and HIGHLIGHTED hair- I became an outright outcast. I was red flagged as “too much” and the separation from the group became intense.

You see, the social control tactic of the group is a specific kind of artful bullying. It’s just a woman’s whisper. If you’re not familiar with cults, this is typical within many high control groups.

Soft Voices.

The soft spoken voices from older respected women would tell any women not following the “unspoken-but-very- known” rules, that if God is truly speaking to you, then you wouldn’t be doing the things you’re doing.

The “soft whisper voice”, or “sweet talk” is the essence of a true cult woman. It makes everything they say, seem sweet, humble, and true. Almost every woman within the cult speaks in the same tone, uses the same mannerisms, and employs the same jargon. They call it, “being led by the spirit.” They don’t realize it’s just a mimicking of one another to fit in. It is actually quite fascinating when you pick up on it. Specially, when your natural voice sounds like a bull frog among these little cherubim.

I got my fair share of sweet talking tos. And they ate at me.

Some of the younger women would spy around and play both sides to see who the “good ones” were. They’d make their way around the circles and innocently and sweetly share how they did not think it was a big deal to wear hair down or wear pants…acting like they are your ally…all to throw you under the bus to save themselves socially.

IF you ever confronted theses sweet talkers or spoke up to their passive aggressiveness, they would inevitably fall down like shattered women: tears rolling down their faces while taking on full victim mentality. EVERYONE would know about the conflict you started, and spread what a hard bitter heart you had. Ministers would reach out to explain how you furthered your standing away from God-because HOW dare you offend a soft childlike respected woman.

If you didn’t heed the social norms of the women groups after the soft talks, then you were just ignored. And this worked really well for most women.

Having outside friends was not only discouraged but just hard for many women because they usually looked like freaks from all the weird indoctrination rules. Think, Amish woman without the bonnet aesthetic. And so, for most women they did what it took to have a place at the table. Self sacrificing and becoming what I call, an Irish Potato. Do not have flavor, do not stand out. Be plain. Talk like a child, act naive, be serious.

I found myself alone and lonely within this group for years. Loneliness, is not natural, nor is it good for you. It makes you question yourself. And, I found myself wondering WHY can’t I be like these “good” women? WHY don’t I have ANY desire to be like them. Is there something wrong with me?

Nevertheless, I was not an Irish Potato and I couldn’t pretend to be.

The years went by and I arrived at the decision to only attend the mandatory church portion of the community. I purposefully did not include myself in any “extracurricular” gatherings because it would make me feel unwelcome and wildly awkward if I did attend. Not that I was ever truly invited to any event anyways.

I started to break another rule that I believe completely saved my spirit. I began to seek friends out of the church. Sometimes the minsters would stay at our house and they’d see my wordly friends and I’d get the big disappointed “sweet talk” and asked if I had considered saving my friends’ souls by bringing them into the “fold.” To be honest, I had some guilt about it at the time. However, I never could quite reason why those within the cult disliked me so much and my worldly friends loved me like friends should. It just didn’t make sense.

I began to enjoy pissing the women off in the church when I could! I watched them look like they swallowed turds when I happily announced I worked outside of the home just because I LOVE to. No other reason. I just wanted to. I watched them STARE at my hands when I painted finger nails with bright colors. I watched them GASP when I wore pants to bible study. I just watched them dislike me more and more for just being me.

The only reason I stayed at this time was because my entire family was in it. I didn’t want to be the one to break up the family dynamic.

Then a HUGE scandal hit the church.

Sexual abuse was exposed in all parts of the church and all over the world. To be clear, this isn’t the Catholic church, but the scandal is similar. Ministers and elders knew of abuse and just moved the abusers to other location allowing the continuing of the abuse. Women and poor little CHILDREN were abused in all kinds of ways for years and years.

And that is all it took for me to be done.

I had no emotional attachments to the people, or “the friends” …as they hilariously call themselves. I could see the crimes as the crimes that they were.

As there is with any cult, exclusivity is one of the most effective tools used to create a fearful people. NO MATTER WHAT, abuse or not, you can’t leave THIS WAY. THIS WAY is the only way to live and if you leave you will go to hell. They preached-m over and over -we are so special to have a revelation like no one else. This tactic worked for many. And even tho they could see the crimes… they were tied to the fear and the only community they ever knew. They could not leave.

Thankfully! Thankfully! I had a real community to count on as I stepped away.

I was one of the first to leave the cult in our area. I did not struggle with my choice. But. I was so ANGRY. These plain Irish Potatoes were abusing others while judging MEEEEE? I wasn’t good enough because I had a little creativity and fun in me?

Some women that left after me, called me to apologize for the judgements they had cast over the years. These apologies validated the years of hypocrisies and tactics of passive aggressiveness I had endured. The biggest surprise to me, was the many women who said they actually admired my bravery to be different and to be myself despite the social outcasting. Those same women said they wished they could have done the same.

I can not express the anger I felt. I was just SOOO angry that I allowed myself to think for one second that there was something WRONG with ME. That I allowed their soft voices to speak so loudly in my head.

Many many many therapy sessions later… and many many many books and podcasts later…I realize the extent of religious trauma, cult tactics, and the deconstruction process that follows. Anger is normal! Anger is justified.

Leaving, at first, left me feeling like, WHO AM I?

However, on the other end of it, its reassuring to know… I knew who I was the entire time of being in that cult. I just didn’t listen. BUT NOW, I listen and NOW I live out who I am.

What I am most thankful for, is having real friendships. Friendships that encouraged me to be who I am. Friends that sought me out because of my fun side!

I mean statistics show- having friendships is what keeps us ALIVE longer! The fact that I had REAL friends to listen to my anger, let me cry, distract me, and encourage me to be who I really am was truly life saving for me. I cannot imagine how I would have done that alone.

As I reflect on friendships and my experience of cult life, my friends feel like family to me now. They are not just people to hang out with every once in a while. They are people that take care of one another. There is a different care and intention that I want to truly lean into.

I don’t want to live another day with the burden of the Irish Potato Syndrome. I don’t want Irish Potato friendships. I don’t want an Irish Potato life.

For me, that means all kinds of things. Living life with lots of sparkle and spice.

Book the trip. Laugh more. Reserve the table at the newest restaurants. Posts all I want. Go back to school. SPEND TIME WITH FRIENDS. Write the book. Get the tattoo. Wear the fancy shoes. LOVE on your family. Sing loudly. Quit your job. Meet new people. Do the things I say I want to do.

And so, I got to work on it.

After I left the cult, I jumped right into forming more GENIUNE friendships. I had some making up to do. I cleaned up house. I detached from everyone that made me feel used, uncomfortable, or forced. Then, I went on bumblebff and described myself as I am.

“Love travel, adventure, and food. Enneagram 7. Spunky. Awkward and Fun. Want to experience and connect on a deeper level. Always up for coffee concerts and cocktails.”

I ended up meeting these two gorgeous souls.

Over a year of getting to know these women over whiskey, I learned we truly have common goals of living life to the fullest and sparking each others lights. So I tested it out…I invited them to join me in Costa Rica. And they totally showed up. 110 percent.

That is all a girl can ask for. Friends that show up and let you show up as you are too. What an amazing trip we had. I left feeling refreshed, grounded, and so so smiley!

The Year of Transformation

Oh, the blessed year of 2024.

The winding road of 2024 was a melancholic voyage that left me in a state of constant apprehension to what negative event was right around the corner. It was dark. It was gloomy. It was depressing. 2024 took this enneagram 7 on a journey into the uncomfortable depths of the most unpleasant feelings we so despise.

Quick pause–Yes! There is a good ending. However, let me step away from the ‘happy insta reel feel’ for a quick minute…cause you know that is where I prefer to hang.

Imagine being rooted into a community since you were seven years old. I mean DEEPLY rooted. Everything revolved around this community- how you dress, how you talk, what your job is, what kind of house you buy, how you parent, how your relationships work, how you schedule activities. Your friends and your family are in it, and EVERYTHING matters when it comes to this community.

Also imagine, you are not really supposed to mingle with others outside of this community, but you do anyways because you need to BREATHE and be yourself every now and then. And these people you escape to-you think they are your people. Your rocks.

Then imagine you lose the foundations of ALL of the above.

Community -GONE.

Rocks-GONE

You step away from the culty community of 34 years. You turn to your rocks, but come to find out, most of them are just pebbles that have been shattered to pieces once you show your vulnerability. You are left alone, wondering, untrusting, angry, confused, and depressed.

This is how 2024 began for me.

My story about a religious cult my family left at the end of 2023 didn’t seem like a big deal to me at first. Honestly, leaving gave instant relief. However, as the year went on and dealing with family and acquaintances still in the high control group, the relief morphed into a plethora of other feelings. I began to interrogate every person, every thought and every action…because why wouldn’t you after your life has been turned upside down.

I started to understand, I was a 41 year old woman who never lived life fully. I was a 41 year old PASSIONATE woman who was told most of her life to suppress that passion…and I had to learn to live life new again.

So there I was in January of 2024, getting my ears pierced at 41 feeling 8904 different feelings.

I was so excited! Also, so scared! My thoughts were running a million miles a minute!

“Is it going to hurt? Am I am wimp? I can’t believe I wasn’t allowed to wear earrings for 34 years! Where do I even buy earrings? What is my style? Diamonds? Pearls? I wish someone was here with me! Nope, I am doing this ALONE! I can’t believe I allowed this community to control me like that? I am going to be so judged from family for doing this! Did I judge people for having ears pierced? I should block everyone off of instagram! Why should I care what they think!? What they see? I can’t wait to pick out new accessories that reflect who I am!”

Thus began the year of transformation.

The year of taking little tiny steps towards bigger steps that altered not only my appearance but also my character and my essence. Of course, all along the way I was having the 392478 thoughts and feelings running through my head.

If that wasn’t heavy enough, we came into 2024 healing from a death in the family. I had a health scare along the way that rocked my world. And did I mention I am raising 3 teenagers?

It was a long year. What helped?

Lots and lots and lots of therapy, some big ticket events for distraction, and being super vulnerable with people which led to real connections and weeded out the ones that were unauthentic. Also, celebrating Christmas the real way… that helps a million times over!

So that brings us here. To the year 2025 where it feels good to sit and make some genuine resolutions. This time, not influenced by my old community, but resolving because I want to by my own accord and I can choose who I want to do it with.

For 34 years I have suppressed a lot of my passions for the sake of the community. There is anger frustration and sadness from that. Nevertheless, as I become more aligned to who I am, those feelings diminish and make room for so much gratefulness. As angry as I have been for allowing such small minded people to control my life…I am incredibly grateful for the life I have now and the opportunity to be free and do things as simple as celebrate Christmas with Christmas trees. To be me, and do all the things, passionately.

(Celebrating Christmas with decorations was a huge NO NO in the cult. It was frowned upon to stand out at all. More on this in a different post)

As we packed away the Christmas decorations a few days ago, there were remnants of glitter sparkling on my living room floor. It brought joy to my heart to think of the memories we made as a family this year. A little glow, a little shine, a little sparkle in my heart. And just like that, my word for the 2025 came to me. Sparkle.

I did a years worth of work with words like integrity, peace, align, deconstruct, boundaries, purposeful. And those are all good things… things to keep working on. However, this year, I want to step away from too much seriousness and sprinkle the sparkle. My intrinsic playfulness, fun and entertaining nature needs to be let loose.

It is as simple as that. Make the memories I want to create what will bring joy later.

Write.Bake.Hike.Yoga.Research.Travel.Eat.Walk.

Laugh.Family.Friends.Read.Prank.Cook.Travel.

Travel.Travel.Travel.Travel 🙂

Altermapid

The word ALTERMAPID puts meaning to this sentiment I have had most of my adult life. It means the nagging feeling that one lives in the wrong place-wrong city, state, or country.

Long story short, I have been in Cary for far too long.

I will be the first to say that North Carolina is the most beautiful state in the USA. It’s true. We have the best weather because we get to experience ALL the seasons. AND. We have the most beautiful landscape-from ocean to mountains. As a foodie, shall I mention the NC BBQ, Krispy Kreme, Cheerwine, and Bojangles! Its an amazing place to be!

But this girl is made for jungle weather.

I am fortunate to teach at one of the best schools in NC and my kids attend those schools. However, my kids are getting older… so I am starting to see the empty nesting experience is upon me and I GOTTA START PLANNING MY ESCAPE!

After a ton of research… and not finding what I want in Panama… I got me a house in Costa Rica. I have named it “Chanti’s Shanty” and it is my sanctuary. I have made so many memories here in less than a year and look forward to making this more of a full time transition.

Chanti’s Shanty

I took one of my besties here in January. Family stayed here in February. Then for March spring break, we took some friends with us to experience the PuraVida! Our home is about 30 minutes from the airport and the moment you step foot on the Peninsula you are hit with nothing but relaxing vibes. I am always amazed what a long weekend in CR does for the mind and soul. This summer I plan to spend a month in CR to get a taste of “living in paradise”. Here are pics from our last trip.

It’s Glistening Once Again

Yes. Back to Panama for Christmas.

This travel ninja needs Panama sun, which, unfortunately for the kids, is not super Christmasy. So…the compromise was giving the kids a super duper Christmasy cold experience and then we surf, sun, and sandia-smoothie it up in Panama.

Fair is fair. Plus…I don’t do gifts. I do gifting experiences. Hello. Enneagram 7 here.

New York never gets old for me. The only thing OLD around here is ME. But, I’m not that old that I can’t take on a travel challenge. Here are all the Christmasy New York things to do in less than 48 hours.

Take the 6:00am flight Friday morning. Spend one night. Get back at midnight Saturday.

We did all the things and it was such a blast we want to make it a tradition!

A visit to Lillie’s Victorian Establishment and we didn’t wanna leave! If you need to find the Christmas cheer.. it’s right here, my dear!

We kept going back and forth on what show to watch. We finally decided on Phantom again even tho we’d all seen it. It’s just one of those shows we’ve watched during Christmas time a few years back and it just felt right to see it again! No regrets!

You know we did all the food.

Then one last stop, new to all of us.. was a stop at the Vanderbilt One. THIS was awesome!! Except for all the long lines… forget the lines. The views were fabulous!!

And just like that, it is definitely beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Puttin On The Ritz

Sometimes there is nothing like escaping Cary for a little bit and… puttin on the Ritz… or packing your Lillie Pulitzer and yoga pants so you can spa on Amelia Island with friends.

November.

November has never really been my kinda month. Even tho it is the month of thankfulness, somehow, I habitually slip into blandness. BLAH!

There’s that awful time change in November. My walks get chillier in November. The sun goes to bed earlier in November. And. The season gets too “peopley” and stressful in November.

So. I escaped the November feeling and took a flight to Amelia Island. I am so so thankful for Florida. It never feels like November there!

Flying out, this gorgeous view of North Carolina reminded me…as much as I am always escaping it, I do love my home.

This particular weekend I was away, my school distract conveniently gave staff the Friday off to reflect … and boy, did I reflect. In all of Florida’s non November-ness, I reflected on all I have to be thankful for.

I have grown so much closer to friends and family this year and we have been amazingly tight knit! I have never loved what I am doing for a job more than I do today! I am healthy… all those therapy IVs, acupuncture, yoga sessions, vitamin elixers… are working! I may not be living in that so called warm tropical country ALL year long, but I am able to escape there and to other warm locations to rejuvenate… and to refresh my gratefulness.

Thankful people are happy people. This I know is true.

New York, New York

My very first fun trip of the last year of my 30s began in… New York!

I decided that the theme for all my trips this year is all about SPA! So… the first place I needed to go was my newest favorite spa… Modrn Sanctuary. I got my chakras all aligned for this fall- winter season and I’m feeling great!

It was a fantastic trip of feel good favorites. There wasn’t anything new, except I finally got into Il Sodi! Other than that… I ran out of school on a Friday after the bell rang… to good food, relaxations, and some shopping in NYC!

New York is always a favorite!

Good foods

Relaxation

Shopping and Shenanigans

If you’re wondering what it’s like to travel in NYC right now… basically… have your ID and Vaccine card (photo) handy if you plan on visiting and staying inside. In certain locations, because everyone was vaccinated to enter, you didn’t have to wear a mask.

Fancied up. Filled to the gills. And. Funned out. Until next time New York!

Teacher Me

Back in November, almost a year ago now, I quit my teaching job.

The school I was teaching at wasn’t a good fit for me… throw in a pandemic on top of the already chaotic environment…I chose to take a step back.

Let’s be honest… I work for trips… to Panama 🇵🇦 😍🤣

I took a break. A reset. And, this rest was so good for my soul.

During my time off, I did some small home projects. Started writing again. Traveled. Spent quality time with friends and family. Survived the lockdowns and quarantines. Got my kids academically motivated after the mess of virtual learning. Entered into a lot of mindfulness practice, cleansing of negativity, (both from my end and from others), and exercise. I applied for Harvard and took THE MOST amazing class.

This amazing class really took me on a journey I am so grateful for. I think it was the combination of a professor that took the time to talk to us individually throughout the semester and the fact that so many of my classmates where open and vulnerable. I learned a lot of reasons why people are not happy with their “self” and ways to identify “who we really are”. There is so much complexity to it. However, this idea of our identity–how we fit into groups vs how we are alone and how we label ourselves vs how the world sees us– is just so fascinating to me.

Yes. Many of us are victims of childhood trauma and social stigmas, resulting in developing very very very bad strategies to dealing with life and people. No bueno. But, that is not the end all be all of our story. It can take just a moment of self awareness, then maybe a moment of vulnerability to accept our “bad side”… which we all have…and…move towards self improving and self fulfillment. There is no reason why we have to be our same self yesterday today and forever.

As I did research for my class project, I did a deep dive into the debate of having multiple selves vs one self. I personally lean towards the belief that we have multiple selves that make up the general self. If our multiple selves are not united… there is conflict, unhappiness, and a lack of self fulfillment. There is so much complexity to that idea as well.

So, the point of that, was to tell you why I got my closest friends and family members to make a list of 10-20 adjectives that describe me… my selves.. my identities. It was pretty awesome to see. I embraced the negatives and positives from their perspectives AND many descriptors were the SAME.

Woman. Reserved. Anxious. Observant. Risky. Adventurous. Introvert AND extrovert. Clean freak. Hispanic. Ambitious. Foodie. Mother. Stubborn. Traveler. Friendly. Funny. Loyal, Extravagant, and…. just about everyone wrote something about education and teaching. (thank you all for participating, btw!)

During my (needed) time off from teaching, I most definitely recognized, I truly felt unfulfilled in my career identity! I personally love my teacher identity. I am freaking good at being a teacher… I “get” kids and I know how to inspire them.. to love MATH of all things! (Or, at least not to hate it as much)

Although I felt great in many other parts of my life or, “identities”… I didn’t feel right not being identified as a teacher…I missed the teacher me.

The “teacher me” decided after the class was done, that it needed fulfillment…at the RIGHT school.

I decided to step foot back in the teacher world by subbing again. I subbed at multiple schools in the area to feel out the vibe. However, there was one school I had my eye on.

I had an opportunity at this school a few years back, but, I held out on this school because it was so close to home. And, being the introvert ambivert that I am, I was trying to avoid seeing students in “my space”. I’m talking about, I couldn’t go ANYWHERE without seeing a student or parent. They’d even come to my house to say hi!

However, after feeling out the vibes of nearly every middle school in the area…I decided this wasn’t such a bad thing. I will learn to hide in my house (or buy a getaway house) and instacart EVERYTHING!

Long story short. Short story long…

I got a “random” call with an offer to teach 8th grade math at my dream school… while I was in Greece.

8th grade? Not sure this was my cup of tea… 6th grade has been my thing.… by far my favorite grade…but I figured I could NOT say no to my dream school! I actually really struggled with this decision.

About 2 months in now, and, I am happy to report, this school is still my dream school and I hope I NEVER leave 8th grade.

8th graders need a teacher who is just as weird and sarcastic as they are. Plus, teaching a high school math course weighs heavy on most of these kids. They WANT to do well. So far, so good teaching on the penthouse level here! I am in middle school heaven!!

Yes, I see my students at Trader Joe’s and on the streets of my neighborhood. I hear them screaming my name across parking lots at the local pizza joint! Yes. Teacher work is still HARD, specially right now. But you know what…. I am learning to embrace it all with contentment!

Every night, I come home happy and so very exhausted. Every night, I find so much fulfillment in my middle school math teacher identity again! Every night, I cherish … a purpose and a talent that I am honored to do and use….and that is what life is all about!

Cheers! To the journey of whatever brings your happiness.

2021 #YouDoYou

Welcome Back!

Happy Birthday to Me

What an amazing Leo season it has been.

It is true what they say about Leos, we are playful and we are fun. Throw in my Enneagram 7 personality, and you are in for a good time. Having fun, is just part of my make up.

I heard about a strategy to find out what your core values are and it came to NO surprise that FUN was a major one for me.

Imagine you are building a company on the moon… WHO are you bringing with you to make this company a success? Who- meaning what are the qualities you are looking for in these 3 people.

My immediate answer was:

You better have someone that is fun… the cheerleader! Someone enthusiastic and positive, who is gonna not only motivate the team, but also market your campaign like no one else. This person knows how to have a laugh.

Then there was the solution based “get err done” chick followed by the dig down all the rabbit holes researcher girl.

So, fun?

What does fun mean to you? Is it a value at all? As we get older, do we we forget how to have fun? Do we want fun people around us?

I sincerely ask this, because it seems there is so much negativity in the world. Everyone is waiting to get offended. Not just politically, but just people’s existence makes others angry. I also see, that if you choose not to be offended and a “Debbie downer”, but rather, you choose to be positive and fun… that is a sin in itself. Now more than ever, I feel like FUN is a bad thing.

Personally, I feel we need more fun. Fun in our work places, fun in our parenting, fun in our friendships, and fun in our “aloneness”.

This is what I’ve contemplated as I close out this wonderful decade known as THE THIRTIES.

I don’t think I realized what fun meant to me during my early part of the decade. I often focused on my values of loyalty, intelligence, creativity, etc… but lately I’ve really been embracing and expressing fun as an asset. I refuse to give into the miserableness of the world… no matter how bad it gets…I get to chose my own headlines.

There were many hard things to deal with in my 30s. The death of my grandparents was really hard on me. My oldest getting hit by a truck and the MANY surgeries that followed… I spent lots of nights crying. There were job complications, health issues, moves, accidents, and lets not forget COVID…but if I had to give a label to my 30s, it would be… you guessed it… FUN!

I don’t ever want to lose my laser focus I have on the plenty positives in my life. If I lose that focus.. then I will go FORCE the fun! I will never advocate for not embracing all your emotions, but we don’t have to sit with the ones that aren’t good for us.

I assume many new roller coaster events await in my 40s, but what will I do with those experiences? Will I allow them to make me hard and bitter?

I hope as I age, that my laugh gets crazier and I forget what it even means to be offended. I hope that I have more fun and seek fun people to be in my life.

So for me, fun is my biggest asset and a definite core value. Fun doesn’t mean you don’t work hard. Fun is just “an authentic expression of freedom, joy, and happiness!”

My hope is to spontaneously whistle the tune that comes to mind, snort laugh at myself and all the blunders I make, hug my friends (if Covid will ever let me) tighter than tight, jump higher even if it hurts my knees, eat every donut and embrace that extra weight of happiness… or better yet invent a really good gluten-free donut.

I hope fun, gets more fun with age!

Fun can be found in something as simple as a good book, singing in the car with my kids, sitting in silence next to a friend (preferably at a spa-ahem- Cathy) a long nature walk, or eating Mexican alone.

If push comes to shove and we gotta force that fun, I know for a fact that fun can be found with a plane ticket to Panama…anytime.

Thank you sweet friends for the fun you have provided and shared with me these years, not just my birthday. I plan to make the last year of my 30s the FUNNEST one yet!

Buena!

It’s been a little over 24 hours since I’ve landed and I am already having Panamá withdrawals.

Currently, I am sitting in bed eating Panamanian chocolate, Whatsapping Roman, and researching where I can find some passion fruit.

On Wednesday, I had the misfortune of a 9 hour travel delay. Secretly, this was not quite a misfortune at all. I got to relish another Panamanian day of deliciously fresh jugo, booming city life, and one last opportunity to inhale the intoxicating smell of what Panama is… smokey, lemony, floral goodness.

I just love Panamá.

Yes. Panamá has my heart for many reasons. It’s home away from home. I don’t even like home because it’s cold here half the year. But… good schools, paying jobs, reliable hospitals, and friends help me stay in Cary. Besides… someone has to keep Cary fun!

This time in particular tho, leaving Panamá was a lot harder. The point of this trip was to visit family and allow my baby to stay in Panama to brush up on some Spanish, and do a little surfing while living with my parents this summer.

When we said our goodbyes, he cried and I cried. It was so hard. However, what kept me strong is knowing , this experience will be so great for him. I know he will be proud of his heritage and time spent with family is good for the soul. It most certainly was good for mine.

This day.

We decided to take a hike to the Tavida Waterfall. On the way up, we asked for directions from a police man. This police guy completely discouraged us from going. In typical Panamanian style, he inserted his own opinion on what we decided to do with our day.. he said, “why would you ever do that, it’s forever away”.

Thank you, sir! And maybe we should have heeded the warning. There was a fall down the mountains. A slip on the waterfall rocks. The attack of the colorful butterflies. And my personal favorite, a point in which 5 of the 6 people in the car had to get out of the car so my dad could drive up and over the mountain. My guilty conscience of over eating the extra breakfast weighed heavy.

We had plenty of laughs and enjoyed gorgeous views!

Relaxing days.

There were plenty of other days where we enjoyed beaching, pooling, and watching the rain coming and going.

Feast day -every day.

The eating was intense. But would you expect anything less of me? From my mom feeding me to our Panama City food tour…we had it all.

Family day.

Seeing my grandmother meant everything to me. A few weeks ago, she suffered some medical issues and is now on the way to recovery. I got to see lots of family- my mom and dad of course, and my aunt, uncle, cousins, and friends. This was the most meaningful part of the trip for me.

City day.

No trip to Panamá is complete without a Panamá city adventure.

Back home and I am already planning my next visit. Missing Roman bad, but thank goodness for ways to video chat and text. Kid is becoming a great photo taker!

Gorgeous greece

Finally.

Finally, 2021 brought me the travel therapy I needed.

As much as I love and aspire to travel the world, I don’t believe the value of traveling in your own backyard should be minimized. Covid most definitely reminded me of that and I learned to appreciate the little trips around NC and small USA getaways more than ever.

Howeverrrr….When the tiniest hope of traveling to Europe rumored, I was the first one at the door.

There is just something about traveling outside of the US for me that brings another level of joy to my heart.

You see, I am every bit of an enneagram 7… the Enthusiast.

An enneagram 7 is described as, obviously, enthusiastic, positive, fun loving …and get this… has a childlike energy to experience everything. Those who know me, know this couldn’t be more true.

Take that childlike energy and multiply that by 7 when I get to travel…and times that by 7 again when I travel internationally. I love love love experiencing new places. There’s no better feeling than feeling small in this world. What that does for my mental health is it allows me to think less of myself and my so called worries. My curiosity craves learning about everything that is NOT like me-to get lost in rich history in real life.

So I took my childlike energy and researched the heck out of Covid travel regulations, bought plane tickets for the family and wrote a 14 page itinerary for a trip to Greece.

This Greece trip was the perfect vacation. It was therapy in all kinds of ways. I filled my belly to gluttony. I enjoyed texting my closest friends about things that made me laugh and reminded me of them. Isn’t it so nice knowing no matter where you are in the world, your besties are your besties? I was thrilled to take millions of beautiful pictures. You know me and pictures. I did absolutely nothing for hours. I truly connected with my family. Guys, teenagers are the best. I don’t care what they say. I talked with locals about their economy and how Covid impacted them. It’s something everyone in this world has experienced in some capacity and we are linked to one another because of it. I got lots of sun. I walked many miles. And, did I mention, I ate everything?

I felt rejuvenated. I felt thankful. I felt filled.

If the 9 million photos below don’t move you to plan your next to trip to Greece, I’m not sure what will. At this time, Greece isn’t crowded. The locals are begging for travelers. The food. The views. It’s totally worth it. This being the second time in Greece, there’s still so much I wanna see. Believe me when I say, Greece must be on your bucket list.

A few travel trips to help keep the travel therapeutic. (This section is for those who asked me to compile my travel tips)

*Travel the way YOU like to travel. If you like beaches… find the beaches. Do you love food? Then schedule a local food tour (highly recommended btw). Remember, you do you, boo! I like to mix it up. I’m an E7 so I gotta have a little bit of everything.

*One carry on bag. One purse. I repeat do not check a bag or bags- SO many things can go wrong if you check a bag. You could lose the bag… what if you’re bouncing locations? How will your bag find you? Your bag could get damaged. Or. Worst on my list…you gotta wait for your bag to arrive. Wasting time at an airport is not for me. If you must… buy a cheap luggage bag at destination to fill with shopping items. Check only on your return home.

*Zipblock bag your clothes- I had my airport outfit then packed 5 dresses, 2 skirts, 3 shorts, 4 shirts, 3 bathing suites, 4 shoes, pjs/undergarments, charges, and 2 hats, and makeup for 10 days. YOU can get it all in one bag.

*Invest in travel friendly shoes-I always bring my weird Vibrams because I’m scared of what my feet could touch in the seas. Chacos? Birks? Rainbows?

*IF you’re a frequent traveler or just hate lines, TSA and Global Entry is the way to go! On the way back from Greece we “skipped” a 200 people line. This makes me happy.

*Create an itinerary but be flexible. Schedule free days and free time to randomly stumble upon restaurants and stores. At the same time, you wanna know what’s going on in the area you’re staying at as far as openings, hours, famous sites and foods.

*Check your expectations. This was the first time traveling to Europe with teenagers and it was every bit of awesome. Don’t be scared of it. Just remember. Teenagers sleep in, eat 6 times a day, and then they are still hungry. Sometimes you leave them behind to unwind with electronics. It’s ok. You always stop for more food.

*Upgrade to “Skip the Line” tickets. As you have probably guessed, I hate lines. My life has been cursed with the fact that I will forever be in the longest Chick Fil A line. However, you probably won’t find me standing in a museum line cause I upgraded.

*Travel Covid Tests. Results in 15 minutes.

Get your jet lag pills and now you’re ready for your trip. Enjoy this shorter than the original 14 page itinerary for inspiration.

Day 1

Trick the kids. You know I gotta have at least one prank going. It was fun to tell the kids that they were vacationing in Florida. Totally believable. We did. For one night. Fort Lauderdale was actually where we were taking our connecting flight to Greece. The older two had suspicions because they are older and argumentative. “Why we gotta have a travel pillow when the flight to FL is only 2 hours?” My baby just followed instructions. All three were absolutely surprised and thrilled when I told them over Mexican food. It was imperative that we find Mexican food because it was gonna be a long 10 days without my beloved Mexican Food.

Day 2

Fly to Canada. Canada is strict with Covid. Everything was still closed. They don’t play. Nothing to report here except flying for 8 hours Canada to Greece and eating maple cookies.

Day 3

Athens. Travel Ninja in full effect. My number one rule when traveling to Europe—- Sleep on the plane. No one shall sleep after we land. You are on Greece time.

I tend to pack the first day with lots of activities and site seeing to avoid the classic, “let me take a little nap” pitfall. We toured the Acropolis, Acropolis Museum, Mars Hill, Parthenon, Ancient Agora, Temple of Olympian Zeus, Anafiotika, and ended the evening exploring and eating in Plaka

Day 4

We drove to Corinth for some bible history and watched crazy people bungee jumping at the Isthmus canal. I could barely stand on the bridge without trembling.

Day 5

Santorini is one of those places that you must visit if you’re traveling to Greece. It’s a 30 minute flight from Athens. Arguably, if you’ve been to Santorini, it’s a one and done kinda place. I don’t know if that’s just me. Don’t get me wrong, I will never say no to Santorini, but I’ve done it already. It’s small and I wanna see more islands and places. It doesn’t even matter what I think about it because seeing my kids see Santorini for the first time was the highlight of the trip for me. I could replicate that moment a million times. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them so happy. This was their place and I think they could have stayed here for the entire trip.

Our itinerary included cliff jumping at Amoudi Bay. Yes, you have to walk up and down the 300 steps. Don’t ride the donkeys. Staying in a cave house and having a sunset dinner is a must.

Apparently you gotta eat it when you’re here

Day 6

Santorini day two consisted of a wine tour, a donkey beer brewery tasting, and a visit to Kamari Beach.

Yellow Donkey or Crazy Donkey… um crazy donkey.

Day 7

Mykonos is my place. Glamour, ruggedness, plethora of beaches, white washed stone town, shopping, food, and little churches everywhere. Three years ago, I had the privilege to lay my long legs on Ornos Beach and eat Greek salad and Greek donuts. I told the server from Kostantix that I was gonna come back and find her and do it all over again with my kids. And I did. Because I take a zillion pictures, I proved it to her. She laughed and laughed. This entire trip was built around this memory of mine–Ornos beach and donuts. And, it was everything I hoped it would be.

Day 8

On day 8, I was glad to explore a different Mykonos beach- Paradise Beach. Truly paradise. They say your happiness is peaked on day 8 of vacation. Science says that even if your vacation is longer than 8 days, your happiness tapers off after day 8. Whatever the studies say… it was pure fact for me that this was the happiest day. The crystal blue turquoise water, the sun beaming down on me, and all the Greeks treating ME like a goddess because I never went a minute without food or drink an arms length away. Paradise was perfect and I could vacation here a lot.

All the fresh. Obsessed with cappuccino freddo and real fruit juices.

Day 9

We took a 4 hour ferry back to Athens. We saw many islands along the way and it was fascinating to see more of the inner Greece. This was our last night in Greece and I ended it with a local history food tour. It was great to get a little mythological lesson, see the markets, and talk to locals. I always stay up as late as I can the last night and take it all in and appreciated the great time we had.

Not sure. They said it would open my stomach so I could eat more. Tasted like rubbing alcohol

Day 10

A couple more Greek treats and an 11 hour flight back home. I was definitely ready to be home…In my own comfy bed…Use my own bathroom (the Greeks have plumbing issues, you have to throw away toilet paper- which is a stinky situation) and see my friends. Oh, wait. I got home and all my friends left on their vacations. Now, I get to sit back, fight my jet lag, and enjoy their photos. I am thrilled to see the world slowly getting back to travel. It will never be the same. And that’s ok. But, I sure will appreciate it even more.

NYC SPA~ING

Pre-covid…

I easily identified myself as a city girl. Main reason? The city is where the food is at. But for real… that fast pace, mean muggin, and in constant suspicion attitude…well…that is all me. All day, every day, everywhere.

So, the happiness I felt to finally find myself in one of my favorite cities in the world… New York, New York… just pure excitement! This city has never intimidated me in the past. In fact, it has consistently inspired and energized me. New York has always been my “bright lights and late nights” escape. Just an hour and a half flight from Raleigh, and I’m partaking in the world’s best concerts and broadway shows, amazing fashion… and did I mention the food? New York food is what dreams are made of.

But, dang, did I get soft, slow, and southern during the pandemic?

Landing Friday evening, suddenly and overwhelmingly, my once favorite New York City, felt too peopley. Too much. Too loud. Too crowded. Too many smells. Too intimidating?? I found myself caught off guard, just a tad, and questioning my city girl status. Do I even like the city anymore?!

The point of this New York trip was not “bright lights and late nights”… it was… Cathy and I, balancing chakras and reducing inflammation in salt rooms. I kinda forgot about the “city” part of it all.

Side tracking… I also came to NYC to get real New York pizza. That is a must. So, the very first stop was to one of my favorite pizza places ever, Joe’s Pizza. Yes. We stood in that line…

And that line was… too long, too pushy, too intense, and too rushed. Our walk back to the hotel was too far away.

Where did mean muggin, fast walking, travel ninja go?

Judiciously. We ended our first New York night as any 40 year old in NYC would.

Side tracking… I am not even 40 yet, but, according to my calculations, I have been 40 for at least 3 years because I love to round up… unless I am telling someone how much I spent on something. I kinda take off by 10s. “Yes, I bought these shoes for 30 bucks”-when in reality it was 39.99 plus tax!

So, back to the story… us 40 year olds went to wind down from all the excitement at our tranquil roof top terrace hotel. Ease into the city life.

Yeah, not tranquil. At all! We entered what seemed like a rooftop club and we were shell shocked. Like, not kidding one bit, we stood there frozen, deer in club lights, not knowing what to do.

I think our server had experienced this type of “pandemic side effect” of “social awkwardness” because somehow she gracefully guided us to our table.

Thankfully…after a little people watching, and some 90s music, we started to adjust to the NYC vibe.

Wipe the brow. The DJ played some Nelly and Chiquita Suelta. These city girls just needed a southern minute to adjust.

We knew we were good when we finally got the hang of the elevator situation. Suddenly, I found myself bossing people around and directing traffic onto the elevators. There she is, that city girl!

Travel Ninja is back!

Saturday is for spa-ing (why isn’t this an acceptable gerund).

This trip was all about the spa!

If you know me for even one second, you know I love to spa. I was hooked on that feeling at my very first spa experience in Charleston, SC. There I was, 11 months pregnant with my first kid. When I got to lay my 98 pound belly into a pregnancy massage table… let me tell you, I was in heaven.

And I’ve been a steady spa goer ever since.

I know spa days, spa weekends, spa getaways, and spa treatments are luxurious! And boy do I understand the judgment that comes with this, let’s say, “indulgence”. That’s neither here nor there because for me, spa-ing is also about sanity, wellness and health. Self care. I am prone to suffer from stress so I love taking care of myself.

Cathy and I, we bonded over many things when we first met. We are certified clean freaks. We worked hard on the school PTA as presidents. And… we both have an affinity for spa-ing!

Cathy found the Modrn Sanctuary several months back and we knew we had to make a trip to NYC for a post vaccination spa vacation. This spa is very unique in comparison to ones that I usually spa at. Check these services out.

Salt Room: Ions from the salt purify the air to heal respiratory issues such as allergies and increases energy, reduces stress, and absorbs irritants. I did a hypnotherapy session in the salt room and came out happy as a… girl who was at the spa.

Chakra Sensory: Recently, I have read a lot about vibration therapy for anxiety. Heart-beat like taps can bring awareness and calm you down during stressful events. For example, during public speaking. This therapy reminded me a lot of the chakra sensory bed. Certain vibrations were hit at each chakra point, bringing energy, awareness, and calm. Repeating an affirmation during vibrations made the experience a little deeper. The lights also connected to emotions. I know… crazy. But don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Affirmation “Let it go” and “I give myself the care and attention that I deserve”

Lymphatic Facial: Someone canceled their appointment last minute and because I was lounging around drinking cucumber water in the lobby, I was the lucky winner to receive a discounted facial. I instantly became friends with the esthetician. We exchanged book recommendations, restaurant suggestions, and for the first time, I got legitimate information about my skin with all its hyperpigmentation/melasma.

Oxygen Meditation: Won’t lie, I have always wanted to try this for some odd reason. I might be obsessed with gaining more energy any where I can get it. I chose to infuse some frankincense into my oxygen delivery to restore cells. Benefits include: alertness, fast muscle recovery, improved sleep, and reduced anxiety. I thought I would feel super energized but, actually, I felt an overall sense of happiness. It was the last thing I did, so maybe it was just the cumulation of the days activities.

To top off the spa experience, we ended our night at Aire Baths. This spa is located in a restored textile factory from 1883. Its ancient Greek and Roman theme gives off a sense of eerie calm and intrigue. There isn’t anything like it. It’s mystical and perfect. I’d say the only thing I don’t like about this place, is that they don’t let you bring your phone in for pictures. Probably for good reason. I’m probably the only person who cares about that. I am a pretty darn good paparazzi picture taker, but I got caught taking a photo here several years ago. This time around, I didn’t attempt it. So here are the pics from their website.

Our trip didn’t go without a donut stop, a bagel stop, an art stop, a Peloton stop, a Times Square stop, and a Tony di Napoli’s stop.

I am happy to say, that as much as I adore living in the charming south, my city girl identity is still going strong. She was suppressed for far too long, but glad to see her back… weaving in and out of crowded streets, clutching that purse, and not smiling and waving at people.

This is exactly the trip I needed…not for the bright city lights, but for the chakra sensory lights. Not for the crowded streets, but for laughing and crying with my bestie… it is so good for the soul. Not for the food… who you kidding… definitely FOR the food!

Geared up for bigger trips yet to come! Balanced, happy, and in a peaceful place.

NC Pizza Review Time

I tried quite a few gluten free pizzas over the past couple months. J & S Pizza in Apex and V Pizza in Cary were pretty good. Truth is, I don’t feel like I can be a gluten free pizza judge. GF pizza just doesn’t do it for me. If you have an amazing GF recommendation, please send it my way. I am really wanting to like gluten free pizza. As of now, at the end of the day… I’ll suffer with “gluten bloats” for a slice of real pizza.

I have 10 NC pizzas that are tied for number one. Honorable mentions: Riccis in Cary and Pizza Times in Raleigh… I just wrote about them in another post so I can’t double post. Right?! I don’t know. I love how I make up rules as I go!

Oakwood City Box Pizza in Raleigh.